In the world of narcissistic abuse, the term “flying monkeys” refers to individuals who a narcissist uses to carry out their manipulation and control. Much like the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz, these people act on behalf of the narcissist, often unknowingly, to harm or control the narcissist’s target. Understanding who flying monkeys are and how they operate is essential for anyone navigating relationships with narcissists.
What Are Flying Monkeys?
Flying monkeys are people who enable a narcissist’s abusive behavior by taking sides, spreading misinformation, or reinforcing the narcissist’s narrative. Often, they are close friends, family members, or even coworkers who may not realize they are being manipulated by the narcissist. However, their actions can amplify the damage done to the narcissist’s victim.
Common Ways Flying Monkeys Operate:
- Spreading the Narcissist’s Lies: Flying monkeys often share the narcissist’s false narratives, either to defend them or to isolate the victim.
- Monitoring the Victim: Some flying monkeys will keep tabs on the victim and report back to the narcissist, feeding them information about the victim’s whereabouts or actions.
- Guilt-Tripping the Victim: They may guilt or pressure the victim to forgive the narcissist or return to the relationship, framing the narcissist as the “real victim.”
- Enabling Abusive Behavior: By ignoring or downplaying the narcissist’s behavior, flying monkeys help the narcissist maintain their control and manipulation.
Why Do People Become Flying Monkeys?
Flying monkeys may act out of loyalty, fear, or because they’ve been manipulated themselves. Narcissists are often very charming and can convince others that they are the real victims in any conflict, leading flying monkeys to believe they are defending a misunderstood or wronged person. In many cases, flying monkeys are unaware of the full scope of the abuse and manipulation happening behind the scenes.
Common Reasons People Become Flying Monkeys:
- Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at twisting the truth and creating confusion. They may present themselves as the victim, making it easy for others to side with them.
- Fear of the Narcissist: Some flying monkeys act out of fear, worried that the narcissist will turn on them if they don’t comply with their requests.
- Naivety or Denial: Many flying monkeys don’t fully understand the narcissist’s manipulative behavior and believe they are helping a friend or family member in need.